As we all know, the new year brings new goals; however, this year is different for me. 2008 was a year of goal setting with so many things that fell through. This year's theme is determination and perseverance. I have had a year of letting some important goals fall through the cracks, but this year has already started off with more of a heart striving to accomplish great things, not only on the outside, but the inside, too.
Over the holiday, I had many opportunities to meet with friends and family. I am so very blessed to have so many people who have truly blessed my life through the years, and continue to do so on a daily basis. I had a pretty hectic time at home, as I was here, there, and everywhere. Although it was hectic, I managed to find such peace at every place I landed. I discovered God doing a great work in my heart and life through each day. It gave me such refreshment in knowing that He loves me so much and wants the best for me, no matter what.
I have struggled a great deal this year with finding contentment in Him, as well as trusting that the road I am on will eventually lead to the goodness of His plan, through careful heart checks and following the path He laid out for me before I was even brought in to this world. I have tried to take too much control of different circumstances, such as my teaching job, pursuit of a man, and accomplishing the goals I set way back in January of 2008. I know that these sound silly, but it is true.
My job wore me out this past year, mainly due to the fact that I tutored every day this summer; went to the school just because, often times wasting the productiveness of the day; and trying to commit myself to more things than one person should ever agree to do; and lastly, I found a lack of priortizing in the every day agenda. I let myself get overwhelmed easily, as well as sensitive to small things that truly were not worth the sensitivity. I have found that these things alone will drain any human, but especially one, trying to live out the faith and assurance in a Savior, who wants to be the center of every decision and action in this life.
The single life seemed harder this year, due to the fact that I was searching after the wrong things...I was trying to do it all on my own, which leads to disappointment, impatience, and lack of contentment in Him. God knows where I will end up in this huge topic of a single girl's life. I know that doing things my way never end up with the results of God's way, so why do I try? I do not know. I know that the disappointment, impatience, and lack of contentment are a true reflection of my heart's lack of focus on the one true God, who wants to romance, love, and take care of me on the deepest level possible, so here I go...I'm letting go...
My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat, there’s no turning back
I’m letting go of the life I planned for me ,
And my dreams
Losing control of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I’m letting go of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me.
This song has spoken to my heart because it is truly a heart song. As a believer in the one true God, who wants us to trust in Him in the day to day, wants us to give up control and trust let Him lead our lives, revealing the dreams and destiny along the way.
The last thing I feel led to talk about is the lack of focus for 2008 in the goals I set. I had so many dreams and desires in 2008, but ceased to be able to carry them out. My lack of focus, again, was the lack of focus on God and the things He had for me. I got distracted doing life, without a heart check in place.
2009 is a new year, and on this first day of the year, I already feel a different focus and heart;s desire than I did on the first day last year...to know Him, and strive to be more like Him on a daily basis. God has been faithful to me, although I have not taken the time to notice. This year is going to be refocused, starting at the very core of my heart..."I'm letting go" and letting Him drive me through the paths of life. I am eager to see the difference a year can make in one heart change...focus on Him and Him alone!!
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